Break Down

Venting it out here because I don't feel like confiding in anyone.

How long has it been since I'm feeling like this.
Feeling useless, disgusted by myself, feeling used / taken for granted.
On the verge of tears in MRT, crying in cab, swallowing tears in office.
Why am I still finding excuse to believe that you care?
Why do I find excuse to avoid thinking about it or rather deceive myself?
I'm a human too, I'm selfish too.
I get tired too.
I hurt people when I'm hurt too.
I obviously know that I'm not perfect too, with many flaws or maybe nothing good at all.
But why some people just have to rub it in?
Yes I'm FAT, NO TALENT, DUMB, UGLY, LOUSY, LAZY, I WASTE TIME and whatsoever.
Yes your friends, families, etc are all more greater or better than me or mine.
Then why talk to me?
Yes I'm really harsh sometimes, but thats when 'm really hurt too.
Like I said, I'm a human too.
But at normal times do I say things to hurt my friend? No. I know I won't.
Why should I always be at your beck and call? Am I your dog or what?
Ok, this, I brought it upon myself. I can just say no right?
But why are all the answers I get from my favours rejections?
Yes I don't approach. But why? Because it is always rejection. Right?
I guess bringing me down than I'm already in really makes people feel more happier.
Calling yourself my bestfriend, but how much do you really know about me?
Why some people just expect others to listen to their problems but they don't listen at all?
Your words are contradicting if you didn't realise.
Yes making friends shouldn't be based on conditions.
But when someone purposely hurt you and make use of you. Is it still worth it?
Who crossed the line? Maybe it's me but it doesn't even matter anymore.